A Bit of the Old Ultra Violence: My Thoughts on 300

It’s a departure for me to talk about a fictional film, especially when I have an excellent documentary to review, but I feel 300 has sparked too much conversation to ignore. Since its huge opening last weekend people all over the internet are rising up against this fantastical, highly violent tale. I’m not going to review the plot (what’s to say? 300 Spartans hold off thousands of Persians between a rock and a hard place), but I feel compelled to give my impressions. I was eagerly anticipating this movie when I saw it with a bunch of hyped up fanboys on opening night. I was not disappointed.

First off let me say that yes, it is not a good idea to bring your child to see 300. Do not let your adolescent or even young teenager see 300. That R rating comes with solid reason. The film is very graphically brutal and offers an unapologetic pro-war and pro-violence stance. The audience is meant to cheer on the Spartan soldiers and relish their every decapitation and spear impalement. This is a morally ambiguous film in the vein of Clockwork Orange or Sin City. We know the men on screen are brutal monsters, but oh such fun watching them kill! These films expect a certain amount of age and maturity from their audience. 300 also puts all the violence squarely in another time, another place, and a completely computer fabricated world. It’s sort of like an anime, expect the fifteen year old girl has been replaced with King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) and his hoard of sexy, nearly naked men... I believe I’ve stumbled upon why I liked this film so much more than anime.

Rupaul, I mean Xerxes, attempts to seduce King Leonidas with his massage skills and superfluous face piercings

The film has sparked a plethora of theories about its deeper meanings. One of the most quoted is that 300 is actually an allegory for the American war in Iraq. I admit it’s fun to extrapolate a film’s plot to modern events, but why must this be a literal translation of America? Who are the Americans anyway - the small loyal band of Spartans or the invading Persians? Arguments surrounding this theory devolve into bipartisan rhetoric: are you a pro-war neocon or a bleeding heart liberal? Why must I be either one to enjoy or reject this movie? Other people love to point out that the film is glorifying a brutal militaristic state and by extension fascism. I believe the Spartans were fascist in historical fact or at the very least violently nationalistic. As a kid I read a lot of books on Greek myths (with a name like Cassandra the interest develops early). This is a movie based on a myth from a civilisation that lived a long time ago. The brutality displayed in the film never exceed what was described in the written stories. Sometimes, no matter what your political beliefs, a Spartan is just a Spartan.

King Leonidas is quite the manly man what with the cape and the screaming and the arrows sticking out of him

The rest of the outrage surrounding this film focuses on the physical attributes of the Spartans (one word - hot) versus the ugly monstrosity of the Persians. It’s true the Persians are all multiethnic uglies and the Spartans are tall, bronzed white men who enjoy walking around with their considerable ab muscles fully engaged. As Anson remarked (rather bitterly), it must be exhausting walking and talking while holding your abs so rigid. The film also does a really bang up job of slowing down the violence for all the good bits. When you slow down a man throwing a spear through another man are you glorifying violence? Yes. You’re also mimicking every illustration, carving and artistic depiction I’ve ever seen of ancient Greek warriors. I was in the Louvre only a month ago and I can tell you that none of the Greek statues had beer guts.

Spartan soldiers engage in the Greek warrior stance of "Sucking It In"

In response to all these reasons why 300 is fascist, or racist, or pro-war I would ask that audiences remember the context of the film. We learn that the narrator of the entire story was a Spartan soldier sent to rouse the troops to continue the war against the Persians. It makes sense that in this soldier’s version of events the Spartans would look like gods and the enemies like monsters. It also makes sense that every kill, every murderous act would be lovingly observed and the “glory” of fighting for Sparta would be held in the highest regard. I think you can have a lot of fun with 300 if you approach it as a thinking adult (who, admittedly, enjoys campy dialogue and video game visual aesthetics). The film can work as an example of propaganda or even a satire of fascism. It also works as homoerotic (or in my case straight woman erotic) titillation in the grand old tradition. Mostly, however, it works as good time at the movies entertainment. Sometimes a bit of the old ultra violence is just what the doctor ordered.

So I liked 300 enough to give it 4 almost-naked Spartan soldiers out of 5. What did you think?

St. Patrick's Day From Hell

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
Yeah, so this St. Patty’s Day was a real wing ding. A sure-fire write home to ma because it’s so darn fantastic whoop-di-do. I’m being sarcastic right now. It’s hard to read in text, so just picture me making furious air quotes around everything.

The day started out on the right track. I wore the humorously insulting socks Stephanie brought me from her visit to Ireland. They have a drunken shamrock on them and proudly proclaim “drink till you’re green!”. I also wore my green, sparkly, very leprechaun inspired coat. No pinches for me, no sir.

They're after me lucky charms!

Although we looked the part, our festive St. Patrick's day was going to get worse. First, right off the bat, some idiot splashes dirty slush all over us as we’re walking to the corner. I swear this dude sped up his car when he saw us. We’re wet and dirty but we hang on to the cheerful spirit because the sun is shining and I’m wearing an obnoxious amount of green.

We have sushi for lunch. Irish sushi? A new tradition! We continue on to the mall. Anson leaves me to look for my birthday gift. I head on in to H&M and see some tops worth trying on. In the change room and slowly and very carefully pull tops over my head. I had minor surgery yesterday and I have a bunch of stitches in my armpit (very ladylike) and this big bandage that wraps around my chest. While I’m in the change room one of the two metal clips holding my bandage falls off and then (bonus!) breaks. As I spend the next ten minutes trying to rebandage myself (while not lifting my left arm), I am hot and in a fair amount of armpit pain - the worst kind of pain. Using a combination of the remaining clip, gravity, and swearing, I am able to rig myself up and leave the store. I’m afraid the clip will break and my bandage will unwrap and I am no longer having much fun.

Still killing time before I meet Anson, I go shopping for more bandages. The joy of this thrilling purchase is momentarily delayed when my debit card is rejected. The message says to contact my bank. Odd, I think, something must be wrong with my PIN.

On the way home from the mall we stop at my bank (well, kiosk really - I’m with PC Financial). I use the PC ATM but the machine still stubbornly states there is an error. A very nice man working in the kiosk phones up the bank and I talk to a representative. I tell her I need to set up a new PIN because something is clearly wrong. She tells me my card has been deactivated. I ask why. She says it’s because I had two large withdrawals in the past two days. Did I take out $1,000 this weekend? Heck no! I say. Ah. The woman is very apologetic. Someone has stolen your pin number and taken your money.

Hell’s bells.

You know those warnings to cover your hands when you punch in your PIN? Watch for cameras and suspicious card readers? They ain’t kidding. I never lost my card, and I was careful when I used a machine. Now I’m out a thousand bucks until the case is resolved in 2 to 3 weeks. In the old days you would get mugged. Now they take your money without you knowing and then you're stuck in bureaucratic red tape for half a month. Thanks 21st century crime! You suck ass!

St. Patrick's Day 2007 - At least I didn't Die.

Alas, now, finally the day is coming to a close. We had an invitation to go out for St. Patty's drinks but due to my unique armpit pain/no money situation we decided to cut our losses and have a beer at home. We have DVDs to watch and I think I'll just refuse to leave the comfort of my apartment for at least 24 hours. As I reflect back on my day I can’t help but think I must have been cursed by the Irish. St. Patrick is a mean SOB. I don’t know why he hates me so much, but next year I think I’ll just stay in bed.

Short, Blurry and Already Covered - My First Video on YouTube

Well, today I am officially as cool as the average North American twelve year old. That is to say, I've successfully posted a video on YouTube! I tell you, the Internets has sure become easier to navigate since the days of ICQ, Castle Wolfenstein and Napster. Bravo, YouTube. I've enjoyed your illegal television content many times in the past and I'm happy to join your ranks.

My first foray into posted video was shot on our little digital camera last weekend. We went out to dinner with friends and on the way home I convinced Anson to stay on the subway a few extra stops so we could go by the "secret" Lower Bay station. This station is regularly never seen by commuters. They built Lower Bay below the regular Upper Bay station as a transfer point. I think it was only used for a few months in 1966 before the TTC decided it was too difficult to keep open. Now it's creepy and deserted and only used as a film set from time to time. For the next month the TTC is diverting subways through Lower Bay on the weekends while they make repairs to the upper track. If you're in Toronto I highly recommend checking the station out during this limited engagement. The trains don't stop in the station, nor slow down, but the lights are on. Here's the best shot I took of the station as we went by. Notice the poster on the wall. I think it's a pregnant woman holding her stomach. That makes the whole thing creepier, don’t you think?

Lower Bay Station - Notice the walls are slightly more decrepit than normal TTC stations. Spooooky!

Anyway, here's my short video. Believe me, I know it's not the best thing I've ever done. It's short, blurry, and a quick search on YourTube reveals several other videos shot in almost the exact same way. But it's mine! Like the mother of a slow five year old who can't name their colours I must defend my baby. So we have a bit of work to do before we can recognise green. It's a start.



Oh, and if you'd like, please go to where the video is posted and leave a comment. You can even say "FRIST!" if you want.